What Happened when the Pirate met Mickey

March 20th, 2012 by Jacq

Ever since I was a wee girl I’ve loved the fairground. Dodgems, ‘The Sticky Wall’, eating candyfloss, making (as yet un-mascarad) eyes at the greasy but exotic man on the waltzers to ensure he pushed you round the fastest.

School trips to Butlins, squashed ‘quartered’ chopped pork sandwiches and wee plastic bottles of Irn Bru gently warming at the bottom of my school bag under the spare set of clothes my mammy would pack for me in case I fell in water(and I always did).

My memories of fairgrounds and holiday camps consist of the non-stop fun of Pontins in Morcombe, the Mexican hat in Ayr and the town that never sleeps….Burntisland. We had no foreign holidays, spent the summer holidays at our Uncle John’s in Ardrossan and thought that Newcastle was the most exotic place in the world…….they didn’t sound like us and we liked it!

This weekend, the Pirate and I decided to relive these glorious moments of our youth, in the days when he was young and I was good looking….Yes, we went to Disney!

For four days we stuffed our (now chubby) little faces with hot dogs, wine, freshly baked croissants, cakes that resembled works of art(I suspect very few come to the UK and take pictures of the jaffa cake donuts in Greggs) and ate our body weight several times over in goats cheese.
We went on so many roller coasters that I think my vital organs now look like a game of ‘Operation’ with my hair acquiring a bouffant that Nancy Reagan would have been envious of.

It was amazing.  Despite being surrounded by more children that I have ever seen accumulatively through my entire life, we didn’t let that stop us. Being an adult in a child’s world has it’s advantages.

You make a horrible face, they get frightened and move out of the way, this results in you getting further and further up the queue to meet Mickey Mouse. Also, because they have short legs, they can’t run very fast so you always get to the rides first. They are smaller than we are and don’t reach the counter in shops, this means the assistants can’t see them and always serve you first….. What’s not to love.

Whilst taking a picture of the Pirate in front of the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ ride, a wee girl came up and naturally assumed that the UP with his untamed locks was part of the attraction.   A child has now gone home with a picture of the big yin in her Disney album….poor wean.

To those who shudder at the thought of spending a weekend away from the real world surrounded by 80,000 children, men trussed up as Chipmunks and a woman in a Minnie Mouse suit constantly warbling “it’s just like we dreamed it”…I say go….I beg you to go and give your inner child an airing.
Jacqx

Tags: , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

My Mammy

March 14th, 2012 by Jacq

Pontins Holiday Camp sometime in the early 80's

AAhh….so it’s Mothers Day this weekend….Time to show our mammy’s how much they mean to us. A time to shower them with affection, with daffodils stolen from the park and a box of soft centered chocs. A time to reflect on everything they have done for us over the year.

In the case of the Pirate and I, we are more than a little spoiled on the mammy front. Shamefully we still have an arrangement with my wee mammy Jinty to do our laundry every week.

It’s not laziness you understand, but in addition to the fact that we are very busy people, the Pirate (as those of you who have met him will know) is practically a giant. I challenge any of you to try drying several pairs of 6ft 6” trousers on a standard domestic clothes horse….no matter how tough, they all eventually surrender under the weight of his mighty breeks.

Jinty on the other hand is a professional, a laundry expert..She knows how to approach challenges such as giant trousers, that my friends is why she’s the mammy and that is why Hallmark named a day after her.

She’s a wonderful woman, she’s small, not much taller than Willie Carson actually but she makes a mean pot of soup.
She can tell a story whilst laughing hysterically at the same time and when Caroline Quentin comes on Telly, she declares how much she hates “that Victoria Wood”.

She once threatened to divorce my father if he didn’t stop watching CSI Miami which she refers to as “ that CIS rubbish” “ full of lassies who go aboot flicking their long hair and picking up bits of fluff in corridors” You, like me have probably never heard forensic science described in this way.

She still does football warmup exercises despite never having been a footballer and thinks I’m the “cheekiest woman on earth”.

She’s probably right. According to close family members, I’ve been a nightmare since age 5. I suspect that all those evenings when she claimed to be working back shift in a sausage factory she was taking special forces training at the local community centre…all in preparation for when I hit puberty and actual hormone madness.

You may think me brave for revealing such things but fear not…whilst she still thinks CEEFAX is king, this blog will remain a mystical thing never to be read.

So that’s my mammy….the original and the best and I wouldn’t swap her for anything..not even a signed Wham album.

Happy Mothers Day to my wee Jinty xx

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

Ring a Ring a Roses

February 17th, 2012 by Jacq

Banksy Rap Rat

I wont even pretend that this blog is anything other than a shameless promotion for The Real Mary Kings Close in Edinburgh.
To those who have never wandered those dimly lit history steeped corridors,….get there, it’s awesome.

The Urban Pirate massive (ie Dave and I!) visited Auld Reekie last night for a wee soiree at the Close which was thoroughly lovely (thankyou Lucy, Nigel and Co for the invite !).

We were treated to an incredible tour led by the fabulous Robert, who took us down through the dark dungeon like areas. Once housing thousands of people and now built over and hidden away under the unsuspecting feet of the thousands of passing folks on the Royal Mile.

In the days before Detol and Dustin Hoffman, It was once home to many of those poor folk who had succumbed to the plague and was a sort of ghetto if you like to try and contain the epidemic. Not exactly a youth club really.

The close is said to be haunted by many among which the ghost of a young plague victim Annie who has appeared in one of the rooms.

Thankfully the scariest sight I had to behold last night was the sight of the Pirate making his way awkwardly in the almost darkness and imagining his pitiful wounded cries when smacking his head on the extremely low ceilings….Some call it 17th Century Architecture…I like to call it Karma.

The tour has been awarded five starts from Visit Scotland as a visitor attraction and trust me it doesn’t disappoint. I’ve been to a number of so called “tourist attractions” in Scotland, some sadly more like the Craggy Island Gala Day than I care to remember, however this isn’t one of them AND it’s worth the 3 million pound peak train fare through to Edinburgh to get there!

www.realmarykingsclose.com

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

When’s a Banksy not a Banksy….

February 14th, 2012 by Dave

A street artist friend of mine, Bullet Beard, has recently been getting some “hate blogging” against him. Now, I’m not against peoples personal views on street art, or art in general, not everyone is going to like what you do. This is part-n-parcel of being an artist. There’s a job dedicated to it. What does annoy me though is when these “critics” have got no clue as to what they’re on about. The main gripe that I have is when anyone seems to talk about street art it somehow becomes connected to Banksy….even though it has got nothing to do with him! In this day and age it is very difficult to create artwork in a style that no-one else has ever done. Sometimes its seen as an homage, sometimes even its just coincidence, other times though it’s just a plain rip-off. However regarding Banksy, he predominantly uses stencils as it suits his style, quick and political. Stencils have been used to create art since the dawn of man….I’m not joking, even cavemen used stencils! I would imagine that there are still idiots out there that would claim that these cavemen were just copying Banksy…

Bringing things up to date a little, granted Banksy has monopolised the stencil movement. I’m sure he has inspired a fair number of people to get into graffiti, especially involving stencils. However, just because someone uses a monochrome palette (black and white in case you were wondering) does not mean that it is in any way related to Banksy. In fact, much of Banksys early work can be, in some part, be credited to another stencil graffiti artist Blek Le Rat. Le Rat started his movement in the early 80s, almost a full 10 years before Banksy had even picked up a can of paint. As his name suggests rats were used quite often in his work…..guess what, Banksy also stenciled rats all over the place. The only difference being one was in London the other Paris……oh yeah and the 10 year gap.

So the next time you see some street art and if you like it, enjoy it for what it is. If you don’t like it, that’s fine too, its up to you. What you shouldn’t do is automatically go off on some lunatic rant and assume that its someone trying to “copy/rip-off” Banksy as most likely they aren’t…..and you’ll just end up looking a total tool.

Posted in Glasgow, Graffiti | 1 Comment »

You’re a Fake Baby

February 6th, 2012 by Jacq

Jennifer Jason Leigh was victim to it, Jennifer Aniston’s hair suffered it and Petre Andre will never fall foul of it.

What is it? The copy cat scoundrel. This month I’ve come across some of the most blatant rip offs of people’s ideas that I felt I had to write about it.
To those of you out there, who are cultural, creative, inspiring, the idea of ripping off the work or concept of another artist or designer (and calling it your own), not only wouldn’t occur to you, but is something that you would probably find abhorrent.

Alas, this is not the case for the dunder-heids that I’ve come across in the last month. These scumbags come across someone who has a good idea, has perhaps had some success with it and boom they they are ON IT like a tramp on chips.

Speaking as someone who is an illustrator’s widow(metaphorically speaking of course, he’s not deid!). I spend days, sometimes weeks being ignored as the Pirate, draws, and redraws, and redraws and redraws antlers or occasionally sheep skulls (don’t ask).  Although admittedly he’s not the biggest conversationalist, chit chat during these times comes to a complete standstill.

“What would you like for dinner darling?”, no response.

“Hi Dave, I thought I would come back into the living room naked except for a hairclip!” no eye movement.

“Dearest, I seem to have caught fire whilst trying to prepare you a tasty an nutrionally balanced meal, could you pass me a wet tea towel please”, nothing.

If it’s wasn’t for his wee hand skittering quickly aboot a sketchpad and the remnants of erasure particles all over the couch, I would be concerned there was no visible output.

Back to my point. To those of you out there who think that you can trace, Photoshop, WordArt, “rip stuff off from the web” think that unlicensed IStock images are your personal photo album,  we are aware of you and we think you stink. This also applies to concept grifters…..you are the lowest of the low, you are the moral equivalent of a houserobber and have as much authenticity as Jordan’s Bits.

Oooh…..that feels much better!……jacq x

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

« Older Entries