Bad Pirate

So, it’s that time of year again. Time for obligatory legwarmers, big knickers(not obligatory, but heh, it’s cold out there), pate for breakfast, lunch and dinner, pine needles up yer feet, chilled prosecco on tap but best of all, searching for presents.

I LOVE presents. Don’t care what occasion it is, don’t really mind what people buy me, but I love presents,

I’m not one of those people who when asked what they want for Christmas, says, “Auch I don’t really need anything, don’t waste your money on me”. I WANT you to waste your money on me, as much of your money as you can bear to spend. At any given time during the calendar year I have a list as long as Bruce Forsyths chin with things I would like. You don’t even need to worry about choosing something; I will supply you with three different price bracketed gifts to suit your budget.

I also hate surprises so historically since we met, I have forced/tricked/manipulated the Pirate into handing my goodies over early…sometimes as much as two weeks early… Yes I know…I’m brilliant.

This year however something has changed. Being in business has hardened the Pirate. There is a new maturity, a sternness to his glare and nothing, and I mean nothing is making him hand over the gifts. He’s acting like an adult and I don’t like it.

After much nagging, persuading and shin kicking, I have managed to gleam that I have ten gifts, yes ten, but that is where the story ends. Packages have mysteriously arrived at the flat, but where they then go, I do not know. It’s driving me nuts. I don’t know what else I can do to change his mind, he laughs at my dancing, I apparently look constipated when trying to look sexy and I already feed him too much.

But, I will not give in, I will not give up. I will have those gifts before the fat guy in the red suit arrives….just you wait and see.

Merry Christmas x

Halloween has always been an interesting holiday. An excuse for people to wander around wearing what they like (or in some cases what you wear in the bedroom…..) and I have always enjoyed it. Bobbing for apples, eating jammed up toast dangling from a piece of string, toffee apples. Strangely I never really got into the “dressing up” thing until a few years ago, where I decided to got at it hard. (I worked in a night club and its always good to make an effort.) My first year I dressed up as a musketeer, which worked as I had the full tash, sole-patch curly hair that would go with it. A year later I decided to go as Thor…..so I was ahead of my time. My piece-de-resistance was last years, I decided to go scary….I couldnt be bothered with all that make up so zombies were out. I wanted something that would strike fear into the hearts of those who seen me (it was that kinda night club) there was only one character I could be, and with my stature I managed to pull it off. Michael Myres…

copyright ©Sean Anderson

To keep in the spirit of things I’ve had a wee look about the internets for some amazing pumpkin carvings. (I can only take credit for the one at the top….) I think next year I may do a limited edition Halloween t-shirt? Enjoy!!